Thursday, October 14, 2004

Cancer and Other Four-letter Words

Someone close to me called last night and uttered the dreaded "C" word.

I was speechless. I am not good in these kinds of situations. I doubt I am much comfort to anyone when I am doing my fantastic gaffed-fish imitation. My throat closed up and words oozed out slower than cold grease down a clogged drain. Ok, not a good image, but it certainly described how it felt trying to utter appropriate noises that would comfort both of us.

There seems to be a flood of people in my life with the "C" word. A coworker wife has had problems with swallowing. They discovered a tumor, needle biopsy showed was benign. They decided to operate anyway. The tumor was removed, surgeon said it-looked fine, nothing suspicious. Two weeks later, they had the gaffed look when the results came back as cancer. Thank god they'd removed it. Strange to think that discomfort and difficulty swallowing led to a decision to operate; it saved her life.

My sister-in-law has a grandchild with cancer and a sister with a possible tumor. Sometimes life is simply too much to bear.

What keeps us going? Is it simply that we hang on hoping that things will get better, that somehow things will change?

Sunday, October 10, 2004

A Day of Rest

It's Sunday and it seemed to me like the entire world knows it. I don't mean it in the 'Yes of course it's Sunday, look at the calendar idiot.' No, I mean it in the way you can feel it in your bones.
I woke up and that glorious golden light of autumn was streaming in the window. Birds (jays, tufted titmouse, and finches) were at the feeder while the pale gray doves were pecking at the windfall seeds in the grass below. The cats, Wyatt and Tripp and temporary visiting cat were avidly watching their version of Kitty TV.
The entire day was bathed in the beautiful light, it was a day filled with the tasks and minutia that seems to clutter my life. But, that beautiful light kept calling to me and the cats kept trying to show me what I should be doing. They were simply existing in the moment and dozing in the glorious golden light.